Elaine’s Story

The Situation

Elaine is in her early 40’s. She has done a lot of personal growth work, doing courses, reading books, taking classes, having counselling over more than 10 years. Somehow none of the hours of work, reading, classes she has done were giving her the peace she was seeking. Her big issue was that she didn’t know if she wanted to have a baby with her long standing partner or not. And not knowing this was causing her a lot of unhappiness. Unhappiness in spite of having a good life, with a loving partner, nice home, travel, a job working from home. Most of what she desired.

What We Did

During a couple of coaching sessions with me we uncovered the belief that Elaine has that she ‘is not good enough’. The interesting thing about that belief was that it was causing her to make all kinds of decisions such as saying she ‘didn’t know if she wanted to have a baby’, not applying for art school etc. She simply couldn’t say she wanted to go to art school or have a baby because her belief said she wan’t good enough. So she had to say she didn’t know if she wanted one.

We did some work around her belief and Elaine got to see that her belief came from a whole lot of ideas of  ‘what a creative person looked like, ‘what a good mother’ would be like. We checked through each idea in turn and discovered it to be an idea that was neither right nor wrong, simply an idea. Right in some situations and wrong in others. Eventually Elaine got to see that letting these ideas decide whether she deserved a baby or not was not helping her. She was living her life based on an idea not reality and she was unhappy.

The Result

Then she came to realise that she could put the belief to one side. That the belief wasn’t reality. And she could make decisions about what she really wanted to do and do them.
At this time I can not tell you that a baby miraculously appeared but I can tell you that Elaine is much happier having made a decision and taken some actions in the direction of her desires and what happens now happens but she is no longer denying a huge part of herself and other areas of her life are beginning to blossom.  She has found the courage to leave the work she wasn’t really enjoying and begin a new career path.  I met recently with Elaine because she wanted to share with me the acknowlegement, pleasure and joy she is getting from her direction – at art school.